Patisserie Valerie: a review

I never, ever thought I would put these words together in a sentence. I couldn’t finish the cheesecake!

Me, the cheesecake connoisseur, the lover of all things sweet and gooey. Yep, that’s right, I actually left some.

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And this isn’t a good thing. I shall tell you why.

I have never before visited a Patisserie Valerie. Yes, I know they’re everywhere and have been for ages, I’ve just never got around to venturing into one. I had just extracted myself from the delights of the Nottingham Tourist Information Centre armed with more leaflets than would fit in my handbag and needed somewhere to sit and browse through them instantly (patience is NOT one of my virtues).

Patisserie Valerie is next door, perfect.

It was surprisingly big inside and many of the tables were occupied by yummy mummies and offspring meeting for brunch.

I’d had a good browse in the window – the choices looked pretty good.

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But I am a sucker for cheesecake… and coffee, I am a coffee fiend, so I ordered a slice of cheesecake and a large black coffee. £6.95, not too offensive I thought.

I had to hover a little bit before I was served but the staff were friendly and quite efficient and happy for me to sit outside even though the al fresco seating area looked a little closed.

My order arrived speedily and looked like this.

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Looks ok doesn’t it? And the coffee was just that – ok. Perfectly palatable but to be honest, I could get a better cup of coffee in McDonalds which, in my humble opinion, does a pretty decent coffee.

The cheesecake, however, was a different story.

Now I like stick-to-the-roof-of-your-mouth cheesecake, a cheesecake with substance, give me a nice American baked cheesecake and I will happily eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. This was just a little too moussey and a little too creamy for my liking. So creamy, in fact, that it left a slightly unpleasant film on the roof of your mouth. There was a hint of lemon, enough to make you wonder whether it was a lemon cheesecake and then remain undecided. The biscuit base, however, was absolutely delicious.

I persevered for a while – you know, as you do when you think you ought to be enjoying something but you can’t quite make up your mind and need a few more mouthfuls to make a decision – and then picked off all the gorgeous biscuit base and left half the moussey stuff that was on the top.

I’m not sure I have ever been unable to finish a slice of cheesecake before. To be honest, that made me sad. Thankfully, there are many, many other places in Nottingham where I can get a decent coffee and slice of cake. I may give Patisserie Valerie another try some day but it’s unlikely to be anytime soon.

VERDICT:

  • Location: 6/10
  • Ambience: 5/10
  • Staff: 6/10
  • Beverages: 4/10
  • Food (specifically one slice of cheesecake): 3/10

TOTAL: 24/50

Patisserie Valerie is at Unit 3 Exchange Arcade, Smithy Row, Nottingham NG1 2DD. Visit the website here.

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Traveler, writer, photographer, seeker of knowledge

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